I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
