I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
