Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
