just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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