I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
