just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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