Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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