I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
