A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
