Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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