hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
