Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
