Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
