girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
