Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
