I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
