btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
