The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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