I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
