It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My pussy is not your playground.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
