We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
