Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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