As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
