Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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