my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
