well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
accomplished twins. life is a go
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
