Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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