Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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