I just cut my nipple shaving
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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