Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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