i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
