The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
