not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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