You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
