If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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