i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
