Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
