what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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