It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
