Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
