glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
