she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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