She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
