If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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