summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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