hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
