So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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