oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
