Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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