I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
