I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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