someone owes me an orgasm
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So gin and wine won't be happening again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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