you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
