i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So. Much. Porn.
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