Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
