Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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