Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
