I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
