What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
