Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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