Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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